On the first day of the week a witch must wake up very early. Because she must make horrible potions for all the little girls and boys in the world. She goes to a special library only for witches and their pets. At the library there are books that eat children and have horrible potions to turn children into little stink bugs and mice. All the witches plot evil plans and put all their thoughts into one big witches hat and jumble them together. Then they put their wands on the borrowing table so they can’t do a spell and pick what ghastly plot they’re given. They line up and each pluck out a plot and look for books about the plot. When they find some gruesome books about their scheme they hop on their broom sticks and all fly home.
One of the witches is Cabbagegoil the meanest witch of them all! The leader of the witches actually. She has a big cat who’s name is Spider because she can change into a big black hairy spider. Cabbagegoil had plucked out a plot saying “ Do LOTS of pranks on little kids in this area. She had found a old book with dust on it at the back of the library called “ 200 gruesome pranks to play on little puny kids of any age up to 10”.
What you are about to read is a true and horrible excerpt from Cabbagegoils’diary from the year 1972
Monday Morning :
In the morning I was woken up from my neighbours rooster so I got up and turned him into a mouse and her cat started chasing it. I chose three dastardly pranks from “ 200 gruesome pranks to play on little puny kids of any age up to 10”.
Itchy powder
2 llamas toenails,
300 powdered nits,
250 ground up fleas,
2ml of pure organic mosquito blood
And 3 emu feathers
Horrible taste paste
50 chili flakes
20 pepper corns
3ml fire belly toad saliva
2 sun dried tomatoes
1 teaspoon wasabi
Bear Bond Love Drink
3 pots raw honey
2 bag termite aroma
Tenderized salmon fillets
5 polar bear hairs
And half a turkey egg
Tuesday : So I must make a trip to Hairy Harry’s potion supplier today
SHOPPING LIST
1. POWDERED NITS
2. EMU FEATHERS
3. WASABI
4. POLAR BEAR HAIR
5. TURKEY EGGS
6. LAMBS BRAIN BISCUITS FOR SPIDER
Wednesday : The day for potions to Rise
Taken from “ 200 gruesome pranks to play on little puny kids of any age up to 10”.
The purpose of Itchy Powder is to make children unbearably itchy.
Add to cauldron : llama toenails, powdered nits, ground up fleas and heat over a new fire. Use scissors to cut up the emu feathers into chunks. Stir into mixture. Then after half an hour use a dropper to add the mosquito blood. WARNING : stand well back from cauldron, mosquito blood acts like acid in the potion! Boil until a skin forms on top, then freeze it. Use a mortar and pestle to smash it up into little bits, let it dry in the sun. Gather up the powder and store it in a jar with a thin cloth.
Open the window of the child and sprinkle it under the doona. After the child gets into bed it will take 10 minutes and 36 seconds to start itching.
Horrible Taste Paste :
The purpose of the Horrible Taste Paste is to make everything children eat taste revolting!
Add the chili flakes and peppercorns to a mortar and pestle and grind them up but not to finely. Slice the dried tomatoes into little segments and put them in the cauldron with 1 litre of boiling water and some oil. Wait til it’s sizzling then add wasabi and stir with a wooden spoon. Then add the ground up mixture of chili and peppercorns and very slowly add the toad saliva. The saliva will cause it to set and give it a taste like toothpaste.
Add the paste to tubes of children’s toothpaste.
Bear bond Love Drink :
The purpose of this drink is to make children smell delicious to bears.
Mix the polar bear hair and turkey egg together (including the shell). Cover the salmon with the honey and dice it up into tenths. Stir it all well in the cauldron for two hours, then add the termite aroma VERY FAST, stir again, then add 1 litre of water.
Pour 5mls into of the drink into children’s drink bottles.
Thursday : Woke up at 1am, grabbed Spider and the potions and set off to the village with the evil potions. First I went into the home of some very skinny sisters, two annoying brothers, and one tall boy with red hair, and replaced their toothpaste with Horrible Taste Paste.
Friday : Woke up at 2am and grabbed Spider and three bottles of Bear Bond Love Drink. Then headed off on my broomstick to the west part of the village where there is a big forest full of big grizzlies. There are 4 houses around the forest. I opened the window in the kitchens and poured 5mls of the drink into the children’s drink bottles.
For the rest of the day I made a potion to turn frogs into 2 pairs of binoculars for Spider and I to watch the kids get eaten by the bears when they went out to collect berries for dinner.
Friday evening :Just before the kids bed time I set off on my broomstick for the last time this week. I have the itchy powder under my hat. I stop right near a big tree in someone’s garden. Spider jumps onto the tree with the itchy powder in her hand, she climbs down the tree and on to the kids window seals. With my wand I open the windows so Spider can climb in. Spider jumps in each bed room lifts the blankets up and sprinkles itchy powder on all the kids beds. Then she jumps out of the last window and I hover down pick her up and go home.
Saturday: I go to the library with the big dusty book, put it on the borrowing table and sit at the enormous round table with the other witches and talk about what the week was like and how satisfying it was.
P.S. now you have read this story you will probably know why witches don’t have husbands!
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